Melancholy and (Temporary) Sadness

(No, no worries pregnancy is fine as far as I know, first apt. is Wed!)

I know I'm way behind on our goings on and will write several items to post over the next week or so, but as with Summer had something that needed to post first. Today is my last day of freedom before bar exam preparation takes over. For those not familiar with what is going on. I took and passed the Virginia bar exam in February 2005. I waived in to the DC bar in January 2006. However, due to bizarre Oklahoma reciprocity rules I will still have to take the Oklahoma bar exam and have elected to do so this February. Technically, I could wait as I'm not working "here" but it would only get harder. The impact is two months where I disappear into that experience again. It means about 6 hours a day of studying. I will continue with my other jobs, but B will have to go to day care starting tomorrow, which breaks my heart even though he was in day care for more than a year and I've never really expected to be a SAHM. The bar exam is February 24th & 25th - 8 hours a day per day.

Therefore, tomorrow is doubly sad both because my freedom will vanish for awhile, but my little boy will too. Last time it was tough with working 75% and studying (most people don't work at all while studying). I hardly saw Brent and he ended up pretty depressed too spending 14+ hours a day alone with a microscope (Yes, working towards ones PhD is often NOT fun either, but in good news you generally only do it once). This time I'll go from being with B all the time to maybe having a couple hours a day with him and Brent. I've elected not to take the bar class and just buy the books. I wonder if I have the discipline for this, but have to believe I do or I would see them even less with the driving time to the site in Midwest City.

In good news, there is a definite end. The bad news is that unlike last time where I could fear the unknown, but go bravely forward this time I know quite clearly what it will be. Once, I'm in it I suspect it will fall into a rhythm and probably work out, but looking into that from here is horrifying. There is also the niggling fear that I won't have the discipline and will just play with the boys when I need to be in my books. (I know nothing about OK law having not gone to law school here and don't practice most of the things that are on the multi-state so it will be a challenge -- it was the hardest part last time.) I suppose the motivator is a fear of failing and having to do it all over again next winter, but with two babies (the bar exam is only offered twice a year and the other date this year is pretty much my due date).

In any case, prayers and patience are appreciated. I don't know that I'll write that often, but we shall see. I may need the outlet. I won't see people practically during this time at all save for B's birthday, but will celebrate at the the end with a trip to Dallas for my nephew's first birthday and my 30th. I hope all your holiday celebrations were wonderful and that your year to come is filled with joy. Thanks for your love, support and kindness for me and mine. We'll need it as much as ever in the next couple of months and hopefully come April get good news and the promise of never having to do this again....Oh, and they say it is a test of minimum competence so I should be fine, right???

(Ps. Cool happening today--- was invited to speak as a distinguished alumni on a panel at OU in March---seems they think I might be minimally competent so a good day for that letter:))