My initial instinct was not not write this post as the subject is so personal. Brent encouraged me to share though as those that read are my friends and family and not sharing the joys and sorrows of our life is not me. He is right and knows that writing is a catharsis.
So, in short, I was six weeks pregnant and now I am not. The gulf between the two is pain and loss. Two phrases from those of you supporting us across sum up the journey.
"There are no words" - Lori K. -- This is very much where we were on Friday/Saturday. There was just nothing to sum it up, nothing to be said. But, I am a lawyer and the words return.
"That child will always be a part of you" - Mom, Susan and Arline - These are wise women who have trod this path before me. The latter two somehow knowing what had happened before I told them are my colleagues at work who I had originally intended not to tell at all. As to the message itself, I had already come to this realization, but they reaffirmed it. From little things like filing out the forms at the Doctor's office to reorganizing thoughts that had already shifted to include this little one. Life is changed and this little one is a part of our story.
That said, we spent the weekend wrapped in our family. We held tight to that magical, sweet golden-haired boy of ours and as the pain, literally and figuratively, begins to ease we continue on in faith, hope and love.
Finally, a thank you to our family, to Tracie, Emily, Lori, Chrissie, Jessie, Scott & Lynn our friends who have offered love, hugs, flowers, prayers, babysitting, and shared experience. We appreciate every kindness. Know that in the days to come when sometimes the smile doesn't quite reach our eyes we are still grieving, but your love and strength helps us bear this challenge. You are the Lord's love made manifest in our lives to help us through this time. Thank you.