40 Weeks

I find I'm a bit perplexed about what to write, but feel I should say something. Today is my due date and baby is still enjoying her all-inclusive resort. I have now been pregnant longer than I was with B as he was born very early on his due date. It is an odd day and, so far, four random strangers in the space of an hour asked me my due date and the reaction when told it is today is pretty humorous. We had big storms last night, which I love and think bitty liked too as she moved a lot when we were out watching them (which is what you do in OK when it storms). The theory that the storms would bring the baby didn't pan out though, which makes about the 5 or 6 old wives tale we've wandered past.

I was really in quite a bit of pain on Monday. Not contractions, but more like a pulled muscle on the bottom side of my tummy that made most movements very painful. That is somewhat better now. There are still occasional contractions, but generally lack consistency, although are getting more painful. The substitute Dr. on Monday said I was in the same place as last week and that if I were her patient she would have induced me already (not very helpful in this situation). She suggested maybe 40 weeks and three days as that seems to be about when people often have them that aren't induced and I do know a couple cases where that has been true and would be fun to have a first baby as Brent and I are both first baby's and August 1 is my cousin Michele's birthday. That said, I've had a friend or two go to 9+ days and finally just be induced so there really is no telling.

From an emotional side, it is complicated. On the one hand, I am physically uncomfortable most of the time in one way or another. That is stressful and makes me weary/whiny. I am very excited to meet our little one and move to the next phase as I feel like we're sort of stuck in this almost transitional moment, where nothing is permanent and the shift could come at any time. One can't plan, and you know I like to plan:)

That said, I do not look forward to labor, particularly one that starts in a less controlled environment than last time, but I also don't want to wait all the way til next Wednesday to be induced. There are also neat things about being pregnant such as the bond with the baby, growing a new life, the kindness of strangers, having the full attention of my spouse/child/parents/friends whenever I want it--- new babies tend to draw these things away and I just generally struggle with change. I also know that I will not be more comfortable or more rested for months after the arrival and fear just a bit the borderline depression from last time. Add to that way too many hormones and it makes for a tricky space.

I am in the paradox of badly wanting the baby to come and fearing the change/birth a bit all at the same time. I suppose it is just as well it is out of my hands. Find myself pondering the Serenity prayer a lot of late:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Not the most applicable to my situation, but helps me stay calm and focus on other issues.

Thanks again to all of you for your kindness, generosity, and support throughout this pregnancy and in particular these last few weeks. I have gotten so many wonderful cards, e-mails, phone calls, etc from friends and family all around that I know are eagerly awaiting this little one's arrival and ready to support and help us all. You mean so much to us. (Cue teary pregnant lady). We are doing our best and trying to enjoy this unique time. We love you and will let you know what comes!