Yesterday was our first prenatal appointment. Shockingly, not until I was 11 weeks along. I read the message boards where people all get to go at 6 or 8 weeks and wonder where they are as 8 weeks is the earliest I ever hear from practices I consider. Oh well, so long as it works out, but it is tough to wait. We met our new Doctor and her very helpful nurse (we met the later during the miscarriage saga). The both seem lovely and very helpful. The Doctor even had a two vessel cord baby like B. (In both our cases everything turned out perfectly fine). I found myself feeling somewhat unprepared when they asked if we had any questions. It hadn't really even occurred to us to think of questions. It is amazing how much more comfortable we are in pregnancy have done it before as I know I used to have lots of questions. I suspect I will later on, but for now just wanting reassurance that everything is on track.
I find I am having a bit of trouble grasping the reality of this pregnancy. I think it is a couple things. First, there is the niggling fear that comes with a recent miscarriage of wanting to be tentative as you've just had your heart broken. The next is that I have a little one running around wanting attention and the whole bar exam thing. (Side note, I FINALLY got my books today so that will help). In looking back at the last pregnancy I felt like I went on about life as normal and just happened to be pregnant while going about my life other than the occasional pregnancy related complications that came up. In watching other people's pregnancies since, I'd sworn to wallow a bit more in my and try to experience it more fully and enthusiastically like say Chrissie. I don't know that I'll ever be quite the joyful pregnant lady she was, but one can try, right?
So, yesterday we got to see our little one for the very first time on the sonogram and it was that next big leap into a loving reality that another little person really is with us, growing and swimming away. My goal is to remember to take the time to bask in it a bit more for the miracle that this new life is and the blessing I have to help grow this new little person. Seeing the little heart beating away is always amazing and this time better than last as Brent could be with me for the first peek. I encourage you to look for the joy and wonder in your world too. It may not be as obvious as new baby and you may have to look for it hidden beneath so many pounds of books (or whatever your current burden) but I'm sure it is there just waiting for your embrace. Happy Love this Thursday.