Dear Birthday Boy, there we were a year ago. You were so very tiny, and it is so hard to imagine that now. You were our third baby and we thought long and hard, but knew we needed you. I am so glad we trusted and were brave as you are amazing. Somehow, I think it took til the third try until I truly got that incredible love for the baby phase. It was admittedly not my favorite before, but with you, I knew what came next, I knew to cherish this moment and I feel like I have.
You are third, but completely different and we've cherished that. We are crazy in love with you dear boy from your fuzzy hair and skin issues to that your hysterical little laugh. I love picking you up in the morning. I hold you close against my chest for as long as you want. I just wait until you're ready. This isn't something I did with the others. There was always a rush, always a what's next even when I tried not to, but this time, even with so much more to do, I will hold you close every minute you let me as I know these minutes are short and precious. (I'm writing this on father's day and wondering if part of that is also being the child born after my dad died. Probably too much psychology for a birthday post).
I love how relaxed you are. You have been so go with the flow, whatever that might be. Most of the time you just haven't had the luxury of perfectly scheduled naps or things being done on your time line. You are one of five and happily seem well suited to our lifestyle from big, loud parties to the soccer sidelines to hanging out with Daddy and I when the bigs are in bed. You just smile and snuggle along with us. I love how much you love me in every look. You want and need to be held and carried on my hip. I love to watch you giggle and play with your brother and sister or "chat' with your Daddy. I love to hear you say "Go, go, go" as you practice trying to walk or crawl quickly on your own. There are signs of stubborness and a temper in you too, but we'll figure it out. Truth is, we're all like that too.
I want you to know I've done my best for you dear boy. I've tried hard, savored, and every day I try to make sure that your babyhood and childhood are as full of attention, love, and special as your siblings' or as my own. You are my bitty boy, my baby. A year ago, Janna said to me in talking about her third and last child that he just is "her baby" at the time I could not really understand what she meant. Somehow, although its hard to explain I get it. I am a better mom and a better person for having spent a year with you. I was unsure, to the very last day about having a third baby. You wiped those worries away and made our family new, better, and stronger. Some days I still wonder if I'm strong enough or patient enough, but I cannot imagine a world without you in it. Thank you my snuggly mama's boy for loving us and for being your own adorable, sweet self. Your smile is an everyday miracle and I hope the year to come is full of smiles.