Thursday, September 8, 2011

Dear Dad

As many of you know, yesterday marked one year since my Dad's very unexpected death.  Oddly, none of my family blogged about it yesterday.  I admit I sort of felt at a loss for how to observe the day.  I don't so much want to remember him dying as living, but it still feels like a milestone.  Tracie came over and stayed the afternoon with me and we talked a bit about it and a lot about normal life.  I talked about it some more with Brent later and despite enjoying the cheez-it fest I had with the kids, still didn't feel like I'd found my answer.  In part, my answer is probably to celebrate him more around holidays that focus on his living (like his birthday).  Today, however, a solution presented itself.

My new Studio Calico kit arrived and I wanted to use some of this trove along with the LOAD prompt which was to scrapbook something you "need."  Today, what I apparently needed was to write a letter to my Dad about the last year.  I wrote a bit about what I've learned, where we are now, what I need that is missing, and lots of letting the things we've been saying all year out.  I don't think you can read it here and sort of hope you can't.  I doubt this will be in my public scrapbooks for awhile either as it is fairly raw and I think I and the reader would probably bawl as I did when I stuck the last item down.  

The good news is that it felt cathartic. Part of me knows he will never read it, but it felt a bit like getting to tell him and getting it out of me.   I don't know if this will become something I do every year or even why a scrapbook page felt right.  Maybe this will help my kids when they are in my shoes someday? Or maybe it just part of my scrapbook therapy process.  Whatever the reason, today this is what I needed.

Thank you to all of those who sent supportive messages in the last few days.  They are greatly appreciated.  We are all doing fairly well, other than many of us having this cold bug that Audra shared over the weekend.

You can read my Mom's related poem here if you have not.  It is wonderful. 
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1 comment:

Debra Dotter Blakley said...

Yeah, I felt the same way about blogging on Wednesday, just didn't know what to say, having said so much throughout the year. I am pretty sure I can't read the letter to Danny yet because I cried just reading what you had blogged about writing it. so. Love the page though, very beautiful. Much love for you, always.


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