In the Evening Quiet

Evening has come quietly.  Mom, Able and I came home around 8pm after bidding the little boy and his parents good night.  Thanks to so much prayer, skill from the surgeon and a strong little boy the biggest debate this evening was where his parents should sleep.  I think they'd settled on a particular lounge, but I'm not so sure they will leave his side.

The waiting room is tough.  Our situation has been so good today. No untoward surprises. Excellent nurses, Doctors, family. and outcomes thus far.  We keep praying, and taking shifts sitting quietly with Z.  That said, most of us are in the waiting room most of the time.  This waiting room is for the Cardiac ICU and Pediatric ICU patients.  It is not a happy place.  I attempted to nap in a chair just outside of our small area today and could not sleep as I listened to a mother sob about her daughter.  There are mutters or loud discussions nearby and sometimes mourning in the halls.  We developed a second rule--- Stay in the box.  In our case, this meant keep you head, heart and mind firmly in our little box of a waiting area.  Keep focused on our situation and our little man.  To let the rest in is too much.  My mom really struggled with this.  We tend toward the empath in my family, but for today self-preservation has to prevail so we can be strong for ourselves, Audra and Zach and most of all for Zane.

Back at Audra and Zach's, Mom and Able went to sleep almost immediately after a marathon 14 hour day.  I, as mentioned, am not so good at sitting so after being still all day I had to "DO."  I do realize that maybe making Chicken Curry Wraps is not the most important or helpful thing today.  The reality is that it is what I can offer.  I do not have great financial resources or any medical expertise.  I am not able to be here for long. I have littles and a husband that need and miss me.  I can not come and go as easily as my brother or mom. During the day, what I could do was be there.  I could pat his head, communicate with others for them, fetch things and mostly just "be" with them. By nightfall though I still wanted, maybe needed more.

 I do have more energy than most this evening and a few small gifts. For one, I'm used to working one or two jobs during the day and still having energy to working into the night.  Tonight's cooking project was a new idea.  A simple, all in one wrap that has protein, carbs, and fruit all in one.  I upped the health factor with lovely whole grain jasmine rice and whole wheat tortillas.  They can be popped in the microwave for a minute and eaten quickly, but are hopefully better for them and tastier than random take out.  Now, I am sitting back with my cider to try to calm down enough to sleep.  I have packed their freezer nearly full now.  There are a few recipes that we have on our list still, but aside from possibly one more go tomorrow evening my Mom will likely make them later.

I wish I could be here with them, for them, more.  My hope is that they and Zane know how much I love them and that somehow I've packed some of that into the meals I've made them because for now, all I can do is love them and offer these small things while they face such incredible days.

We will be back with more updates and stories tomorrow.  Thank you all again, so much.